Tuesday, June 10, 2008

FYI: Driving with standard transmission is FUCKING HARD.

Who knew? Clutch, brake, start the car, let off the e-brake, check to see it's in first gear, let go of the brake, give a little gas, no, that's too much gas, ease up on the clutch, *GROANGROAN*, too fast on the clutch, *COUGHSPUTTER*, oh, it stalled. FUCK. Okay, clutch, brake, start the car, first gear, little bit o' gas, eeeeease up on the clutch, the car is moving, *PANIC*, brake, *GROANCOUGH*, stall. AWESOME. What? My seatbelt? Oh, for fuck's sake... *buckles seatbelt* Cock. Sucker. Clutch, brake, start the car...

Well, that was the first day (Saturday). We practiced in the parking lot of Stop & Shop (a grocery store). Firemen laughed at me. A girl made a wanking motion with her hand at me. After an hour, I was starting to get the hang of it. Then I tried to shift into second, while moving (an exercise not unlike trying to rub your tummy and pat your head, except you're trying to do it while on fire). Fail. Epic fail.

Horribly discouraged, I called an end to the evening's lesson and wallowed in self-pity. I had this sort-of subconscious goal of being able to help drive to Niagara Falls this coming weekend, and I was pretty pissed off at myself for not being able to. When we went back to Stop & Shop last night for Lesson the Second, I actually felt nauseous as I got out of the passenger seat and behind the wheel. Pitiful. But I did better. I didn't stall the car at all (or maybe I did, but if I did it was only the once), and I successfully shifted into second gear several times. And I managed to buckle up after being in the driver's seat for only five minutes. (Relative) Success!

I may not be ready to drive to Niagara Falls, and parallel parking is as far beyond my comprehension and abilities as string theory is beyond the grasp of a typical hummingbird, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's a very long tunnel, and the light may well be the onrushing flames of an atomic detonation, but at least I can see it.

In work news, I released 95% of the files I'm responsible for today, one day early, so I'm feeling quite competent at my job. I'll be taking next week off in order to entertain my dad and wicked step-mom. So fun!

We recently got around to ripping all of our compact discs and making them into mp3 files on our superMac. We've no shortage of music now (I think iTunes estimated it at something like 7 or 8 days of playtime), just in time for us to construct some CDs for the long drive to Niagara.

In actual news-type news, SUVs are finally dead as an industry, and good fucking riddance. It ended up being, sadly, not common sense, but rising gas prices that brought down the behemoths. A firm reminder that if you want Americans to do something, all you need to do is hit 'em where it hurt$.

Also, Metallica just can't seem to do anything right. These poor fuckers. Seriously. They invite internet music reviewers to listen to their songs, then demand that the (generally favorable!) reviews thereafter posted on the internet be removed. WTF barely does the situation justice. Oh, Metallica.
Up, up, down, down... okay, I'll stop. Some guy with a lot more time on his hands than I have has posted a load of video game scenes constructed from Legos. Duck Hunt and Excitebike are particularly good. (Contra's pretty sweet, as well, and the shot from Shadow of the Colossus makes me want to go back and replay it on my big new TV.)

It's a lot more lighthearted than some of the images from another series, which features the self-immolation of Thích Quảng Ðức and the execution of Nguyễn Văn Lém among its more well-known subjects.

Now, to be fair, now that I'm here, (and I have Taiwan to compare it against), the United States isn't a bad place. The people here are not bad people. Some of them are rude, some of them are violent, and some of them have incredibly outdated modes of behaviour. But by and large, they are a good people working within a fundamentally-flawed system. I think the fundamental flaw is the notion that, when exercising their God-given right to vote, they are voting for people, not parties. Nowhere is this more evident than in the current amazing clusterfuck surrounding the Democratic nomination.

Supporters of Hillary Clinton's presidential bid, pissy because she didn't win, are actually considering voting for the Republican candidate instead. Sweet merciful Christ. I personally think that websites like "Hillary Clinton Supporters for John McCain" are the creations of stealth Republicans preying on the famously-easily-divisible Democratic party.


I'll leave you with a cleverly-done mashup of two of my favorite things: the classic Frantics radio sketch "Boot to the Head" and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.

Now fuck off.

Love, Adam
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, (Select), Start


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Adam,

I am sending you this message from my PaulStation3 (PS3). Be jealous. Be very jealous. We also have ROCKBAND! Along with the new 40" full HD samsung TV, it's part of my full blown pre-baby money spending crisis of infite earths.

Talk to you and Katie, later!

8:49 pm, June 15, 2008  
Blogger AdamFireFist said...

I hate you.

10:44 pm, June 15, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I ordered about eighty Savage Dragon comics from this dude online. I got them all in the mail yesterday to the chagrin of Stephanie. On issue 101 in large print is the title of a story: Lo there shall come… A BOOT TO THE HEAD!

Here's and address to the image.

~Paul OK

7:23 am, June 20, 2008  

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