Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Costumes! Muscle aches! Flappy heads!

That's Vincent. He dressed up as Naruto Uzumaki for Halloween, and I was conveniently dressed up as his teacher, Kakashi Hatake.
(Here's a picture of them for reference.)

Fun! Good times are a-rollin, kids! The rain is coming down here in Taiwan, and people are starting to comlpain about aches and pains. Oh, except the people who are complaining about aches and pains aren't here in Taiwan. They're in the States. And it's not the rheumatiz that's hurting them. It's their new Wiis.

It are their new Wiis. They are their new Wiis. Their new Wiis cause the problem. Frig. Nnngh.

Anyway, the Wall Street Journal (which is old, and therefore a very good source of information, like your grandpappy) has reported on "Wii Elbow", which is apparently analagous to the infamous "Nintendo Thumb" that we happy video game addicts were afflicted with in the 80's and 90's and 00's and onwards, ever onwards!

Ahem.

So, 'A 12-year-old from Kentucky reported numbness in her right arm after mimicking the motions of bowling and boxing in Wii Sports; a computer programmer in Minnesota, who admits to being "not very active," complained of sore shoulders; and a man in Indiana says he was "soaking wet with sweat, head to toe" after Wii Boxing.'

Yipes.

Some important person at Nintendo said, "If people are finding themselves sore, they may need to exercise more."

"WHAT? You mean we have to play our games and get actual physical exercise, too? Outdoors? With all the wild animals and zombies roaming around out there? Are you mad?"

Good times!

Also, Heffy e-mailed me an article featured on RPGamer.com from Fox News (stifled giggles) about how the PS3 can help in curing cancer. Sounds like a great idea to me, sort of similar to that program they had running a while ago that let people help with the SETI program.

Oh, I also wanted to rant, so I'll do that now. Look at this. This frigging travesty.

I made it with the South Park Character Generator that everyone's creaming themselves over.

Don't even try to tell me that it's "not bad" or anything. That's the closest thing they have to an afro! And my shirt has much more yellow in it, with blue flowers, dammit!

AND the most glaring problem is one that most of you won't even recognize. IN FACT, I saw hundreds of these things before I realized that the problem is. In this generator, made by a German... wait for it...

EVERYONE LOOKS AMERICAN!

THERE! Are you scared yet? I'm not from the States! But look at me! Good God! That's not what Canadians are supposed to look like! We look like this, and this and this!

Where's my flappy-headed avatar, goddammit!?

I spent, like, fifteen minutes on Google typing in variations of "generator", "South", "character", "Canadian", "Park" and "sodomy". And what did I get for all my trouble? POOP-ALL, that's what!

I seethe. And I demand that someone with computer-hacking skills create a South Park Canadian Character Generator Sodomy. Preferably one that will animate them after we make them, so they wiggle around like Terrance and Phillip.

And maybe fart.

The end.

Now fuck off.

Love, Adam

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